Tuesday, January 16 2018 07:30 pm


(Originally from Sunday, February 3, 2008)

Well Aloha to you all, I was getting fed up with the weather there on the Mainland, as they call it here, and decided to change my scenery… didn’t take long to find something to complain about.

I literally had just set foot in the airport of beautiful Hawaii, when my flight seat buddy, who went by ‘Ole Tom, explained that the choir of noises I was hearing was coming from little frogs. I thought, “Oh, that’s so cute!”

Then he went on to tell me they are not from Hawaii, but from Georgia, and I don’t mean the Georgia that’s in Russia. At least that would have been a creative feat to have pulled off. (Right now some guy in Georgia named Joe Billy Joe is thinking “Hey they got a place in Russia named after our own state!” Man you got to love our education system.)

Anyway, yeah, some guy from Georgia, probably a relative of Joe Billy Joe. Missed his home state so much he smuggled at least 2, and it’s a pretty safe bet one of them was a girl. So! What was it!? He wanted to feel a little more at home?

Now I know, some of you are asking, how do I know it was a guy? Fair question! Easily answered! You see, woman don’t have that same need to spread their seed of life all over the place, men do! A perfect example is the English! In their hey day, their favorite pastime was fishing and as they conquered the world, guess what they loved to leave behind? No, not vials of semen, but fish (Ok maybe not vials but they did that too). Yes they spread those babies all over Europe, Africa, America, even Brazil. In fact, Brazil has the only sea-going run of brown trout in the world. Now, one might think, “hey, that’s cool!” and honestly in some ways it is. An argument could be made to say that man is a part of nature too, so it’s all good. Hmm, let’s see… at least fish provides a food! I say it’s ok as long as it doesn’t threaten or infringe on other species, which is rare. While we’re on the topic of fish, here’s one that really does suck.

Several morons decided to smuggle a few Pike fish into Northern California a few years back, guess they were bored of fishing for Bass, Salmon, Stripper, Cat fish, Rainbow trout, as well as many others. They put them in a lake/reservoir and it was enough Pike that they bred and had babies. Well when it rained, this lake would eventually spill into the river below it, and that’s just where major Steelhead and salmon runs occurred! (Where Salmon go to have babies!) Good going, morons! For those of you who don’t know what a Pike fish is I will now describe: It is a long and powerful predator fish with razor-sharp teeth. They are very aggressive fish that can get anywhere from 30 to 60 pounds. If it had gotten established it could have wiped out the salmon, steelhead and rainbow trout as well as any other poor fish which might have been swimming around. They have no defense against such a fish.

Anyway, Dept. of fish had to poison the lake several times over the course of two years before the problem was finally resolved. I won’t even get into that for now. “Mommy, where does the poison go?” “It just disappears into thin air Jimmy.” Lucky they were detected when they were or it could have been a disaster.

Ok, Hmm, frogs… still not getting anything, Uh just a quick note if they ever catch those guys! I think they should be submerged in a pool up to their waists, with large Pike and have bait attached to their genitalia, assuring they will live but they will not produce offspring of their own. A Pikesectomy! Of course this should only be done in Michigan or anywhere Pike is a native species.

Ok, back to the original point: the rationale is not there for frogs, and let me tell you, they are everywhere here, and they have propagated into the millions. They have no threats to themselves, so? Carry on, and keep on Froggin’! Of all the frogs to bring, it would take a Georgian to have brought the most useless; you can’t even eat them, they’re so damned small. They sound like a cricket and a bird. They whistle more than anything.

One thing’s for sure though, if the guy who brought them used to live here? You can bet he doesn’t live here anymore! I mean, think of it! Could you live around a constant 24-hour reminder of your own selfish, ignorant, stupidity? Could you sleep at night, listening to that repetitive singing, whistling, major screw up you single-handedly caused? I can imagine the guy losing his mind eventually; the frogs would have been calling out his name! “Joe! Billy Joe! Joe! Billy Joe!” He may have gone mad. Just think, he wouldn’t go home, not to Georgia, ‘cus that’s where the frogs came from! That’s ok, he could always go back to that Georgia in Russia.

~Zen Twist.


9 Responses to “Aloha!”

  1. mysticmuse Says:

    Greetings Sir Twist!
    I wrote a poem for you and your frog experiences. It goes like this:
    One island where come from da POGS
    Get cova’d all obba wit frogs
    Dey took all da Coqui
    An make da kine Poki
    Turn out dey mo betta den Dogs!
    ** POGS…collectible tops from Papaya/Orange/Guava juice, started in
    Hawaii, becomming a children’s craze.
    **Coqui….imported Carribbean Tree Frogs
    **Poki……marinated island snack
    **Dogs…..”black dog an’ rice” is a favorite filipino dish

    Personally I like the frogs. They’re sorta like crickets. Stay longer on the islands, and they are just background music that lowers the Real Estate prices, and keeps the tourists away.

    Aloha to you………………………………………………MysicMuse

  2. Zen Twist Says:

    Well Aloha to you! I’m curious are you an Islander? Maybe your the one who smuggled those frogs! But Zen does appreciate a song written for him so gracias for the time taken to respond! I do like the the bit about keeping the tourist away and devaluing the properties that kinda coooooool Mahalo!!!

  3. mysticmuse Says:

    Well Aloha back! I thought you went off on another trip. And to where would it be now? I’m glad you liked my little limerick, I enjoyed writing it, I Love frogs! Yes, I’m an islander, spend time here and there, enjoy the water and sun, altho I spend time on the mainland too. Have you been to Hawaii much? Did you spend time in the local way, eating da kine grinds an going slow, swimming in the hot ponds, hiking the volcano beds, swimming with the turtles? Your thoughts are so genuine and heartfelt, and all true. Problem is, its just the way of the world. Greed, corruption, dishonesty….they can kill your sweetness, and leave a bitter taste. What do you do for fun, Mr Twist?

  4. Zen Twist Says:

    You said so much in so little space.And so true! A lot of those things I was unable to do, for the weather was so bad rain, rain go away! you know Hilo was declared a national disaster while I was there. Ive been 4 times and that is not enough. This last trip was the first time I considered living there at some point. I have a brother who lives there who is very special and ill, so I do intend to come there again soon. For Fun? Hmm Cant divulge everything some of it is Xrated. Do love to fish I completely lose my thoughts and truly get one with Ocean or lake\stream where there’s waster and fish

    This whole goin slow thing is intriguing, I have a theory! I believe it is from the intense constant humid heat, it sort of renders one to a peaceful surrender. I had that experience once before in Louisiana for Mardi Gras. ( Can’t believe the lunacy of my spell check its not even bilingual it doesn’t know what Mardi Gras is jeez )

    It was so hot and humid there it just sucked the life out of you. Substitute Grits for grinds and your there!
    My friend and I were joking about Cajun man on the way down ( Adam Sandler movie ) then it happened, it was crazy, you find yourself trying so hard to understand what locals are saying, soon you find your energy draining out of you, you hear your own voice talking like you’ve got pudding in your mouth, trying not to let it spill out.
    Don’t forget the sweat Zen! Oh yeah The sweat, it really is pointless for anyone to even bother trying to put on deodorant, Why? Why would you even try? That’s like trying to paint on a oil soaked canvas! Not happening!

    Personally for me the experience I found a bit overrated but if it trips your trigger go for it. Imagine young beautiful women in their prime out to have a good time ooooo for some beads they flash their bare breasts, sounds great right? Yeah up to the moment they are ambushed by hoards, of over zealous, testosteroned out drunk college yucks and foreigners, wildly flashing their hand held cameras ( like futuristic penis’s frantically waving, blinding, pushing them into their horrified faces it was truly pathetic. The only safe women were on the balcony’s above, but trust me those flaccid waving mongers tried their best to climb the walls.

    The best part of that trip came the next night while I was making my way through a sea of drunken troglodytes, aimlessly weaving their way down Bourbon Street. I saw a man, a huge powerful man, wading his way, slowly towards my direction. He had long, curled, flowing, red air, and he was wearing what amounted to armor, black pads along his arms and legs. He literally looked like a modern day viking. In one hand he carried a black bag, in the other was a pitcher of ale, his hands were so big it’s size was diminished to a mug. I was on one end of a corner as he crossed towards me. His eyes met mine and I did not look away more out of curiosity than anything else. He saw this, I believe he was amused, for he stopped right in front of me, stood there looking,intently, smiling all the while.

    Finally he spoke in a deep voice “My name is Thor! He said with such pride and whom might you be Sir! Zen is my name Zen Twist good Man! I now found myself speaking with the same noblease. Humph He said that is a strange name! Likewise I’m sure I said back. But tell me, Why are you! So happy?
    It was a good day and I have much booty, he raised the black bag to eye level.
    Why the pads?
    For battle he bellowed now thoroughly disappointed at me for having even asked the question. There are many here who’s minds are not clear, they drink so much so, they actually think they can take me. Thor! But they would be wrong! I show them so.! He paused ion thought for a moment. Look he said, he slightly opened the bag to show me.
    That is a lot of food Thor!
    Precisely! You see I go up and down these streets each night, many people dine in the open windows and i take from their spoils the food that would be otherwise discarded, wasted, thrown away. Some try to stop me, hence, He motioned to the pads. But this is not all for me most of this will go to the homeless!
    Where is that Thor?
    In an abandoned building off of the main street. I take care of them protect, and feed them.
    My mind raced with questions, how, what, where? One of these I did ask.
    Special Forces! Too many drugs, Too many to deal with my reality, bullshit, the things Ive done and seen.
    For a moment a sadness over took my new found friend, he shook his head as if to rid himself of some hideous thought. Then gathered himself again.
    Once! we were an hour into a flight, thought it was the usual drill, Then they told us it was for real. Went to go rescue those college students off that island near Cuba?!
    I was trying to remember the name, he went on,
    I had taken quite bit of acid when we first left base, they told us to build a fox hole when we hit the beach,,,, I built a condo! Two stories, with a garage. He laughed! so did I That must have been hairy.
    And now? I asked!
    I still have purpose this is what I do and I’m OK with that Look at this place these people are crazy I blend right in you almost don’t notice me.

    Not finished

  5. gatekeeper Says:

    You know, people always look at me funny when I tell them “I LOVE New Orleans, but Bourbon Street is NOT my thing.”

    I think its strange that there’s a 300-year-old city, with so much diverse culture, and most people flock to Bourbon Street like flies to feces. I’m not saying there isn’t a place for partying, revelry, etc… But New Orleans is so much more than Bourbon Street. You will not find people anywhere else like people in New Orleans. There is no other city in the United States that has been so well-preserved (at least the old city) as New Orleans.

    Such a wildly mixed history… Spanish rule, then French… The English, not getting along with the French, started building the antebellum mansions in the Garden district. Then American rule, post Louisiana purchase… The ugliness of slavery along-side an environment of relative tolerance – RELATIVE, mind you, but it existed there more than a lot of other places in the US at the time. But how does one account for such a stark difference? Seeing one’s brothers and sisters in bondage while you walk relatively free – of course, relatively so, because of mandated segregation. Such an insane dichotomy. And people wonder why the city has such a reputation of being haunted…

    Being there, you can’t help but be swept up in the aura of the place. I had a strange feeling of having been there before the first time I visited. I also feel like I never left each subsequent visit. Perhaps that’s because the old city really never changes much? I feel there’s more to it than that. Anyone who’s spent significant time there knows there’s definitely a different feel to the place.

    I’m always tremendously sad when I have to leave. and I cannot explain that feeling. I literally mourn leaving every time.


  6. gatekeeper Says:

    …and this just came to mind:

    Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans
    And miss it each night and day
    I know I’m not wrong, the feeling’s getting stronger
    The longer I stay away

    Miss the moss-covered vines, tall sugar pines
    Where mockingbirds used to sing
    I’d love to see that old lazy Mississippi
    Hurrying into Spring

    The moonlight on the bayou
    A Creole tune that fills the air
    I dream about magnolias in bloom
    And I’m wishin I was there

    Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans
    When that’s where you left your heart
    And there’s one thing more, I miss the one I care for
    More than I miss New Orleans

    (A song made famous by Louis Armstrong)

  7. mysticmuse Says:

    Well you know, I started out going to ask if you were a Gemini or something, split personality, a case of the Sybils, whatever, cause I just couldn’t figure out the Gatekeeper thing. Still can’t, don’t get the reference, but then I don’t play video games…?? And for that matter, Mr Twist doesn’t seem very Zen, but that’s another story…..uh letter. Anyway, so now it seems like maybe you Are really two people, or conjoined twins, or night Hyde, day Jekel ? But whatever, you two seem to be having a good time talking to yourselves/eachother, and I find myself felling almost like an intruder, and perhaps inconsequential ?
    So I guess now I’m talking to both of you, and since that brings up some interesting images…..hmmm….…..I will un-digress, and stay with my thought train.
    My theory on the ‘slow down’ thing in tropical climes is this: it being paradise truly, the body recognizes that it is taken care of by the great mother. Warm and womb-like; Fruit (the one truly perfect ready to eat food) falling off trees; Water both refreshing and relaxing (cold and hot from the lava tubes deep in the earth); Tropical breezes brought in with the Trades; Colors that are so primary they almost hurt if they weren’t so pure to the heart; And a joyous Aloha Spirit that permeates reality, carried by an indigenous and ancient tribe of wild and glorious (and matriarchal) peoples.
    I read somewhere that the Earth has Chakras too, and that the Big Island is the First Chakra, the Red Ray, and Incredibly Healing. Cool.
    Can’t get no mo betta! And Hilo! I just love Hilo town, and its human scale reality.
    Never been to N’Orleans, but have seen the surreal Carnaval in Brasil, and Nothing can compare to such abandon. The gigantic art works, the Drums, the costumed and amazingly gorgeous people……all that devotion to just having fun. Excellent for the soul, no?
    Just loved your story, Zen. Reminds us not to judge a book by it’s costume, eh? A lovely out-of-time bardo, like some of these old tyme faires of yore. This story was a true Zen T tale. Me thinks you enjoy gobbling up life’s delicious gifts.

  8. gatekeeper Says:

    mysticmuse: You’re not an intruder at all, we welcome anyone to respond to our posts. There are two of us, I (gatekeeper) design and maintain the site, contribute my thoughts and artwork, etc. Zen is my friend and the mastermind. So there are two of us, no split personalities going on here.

    We have two pretty different upbringings, are a few years in age difference, yet, when we met, we realized we had a ton in common and not just that, but we each had a lot of new thoughts and viewpoints to introduce to each other. We have a few differences, but that’s what makes a friendship interesting, no? I’ll tell you first hand, Zen has definitely enhanced my appreciation of life for the different perspectives and ideas that he shares.

    He always offers a different angle and gets me to think more outside the box. I’m just happy to be able to be a part of the site, and contribute my occasional input.

    Take it easy!

  9. mysticmuse Says:

    dear Gatekeeper…thank you for welcoming me! I like this site, for it goes a little deeper into subjects close to me. I think now I understand a little of the “Gatekeeper” handle, with the site thing you mentioned. But do share with me the choice of name….is it some scifi deal, or vid game?
    It sounds like something Keanu would be called…

    I like challenges too. Makes life worth getting up for. Too few people in this caarazzzy world today make time to play. thanks!


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